Understanding Lisette Lee, The Week’s Most Fascinating Drug Mule
A 28-year-old California woman named Lisette Lee was busted by the feds after her chartered plane from LA landed in Columbus, Ohio this week–with over 13 suitcases of marijuana on it.
Should she be convicted, Lee could see 40 years in prison and up to $2 million in fines.
News organizations and expert sleuths like Gawker are already having a bonanza as they dig up everything relevant (and irrelevant, but wonderfully ridiculous) there is to know about this mysterious woman, who amazingly was able to keep her fake eyelashes on throughout her arrest and night in the clink, and might have more identities than Britney.
Highlights of what we currently know about Lee:
- potentially an actress/model/recording artist/whatever (Ed. note–that might just be a reeeeeally bad mugshot)
- was arrested with 3 cell phones, blow, weed, and drug deal ledgers in her bag
- claims to be an heiress related to Samsung’s “Lee” family of Korea; they deny the relationship (although this is by no means an ironclad denial. It’s no secret that Hardass Asian Families will disavow you for like, failing a test. My HAPs would deny knowing me if I got a ticket for rolling past a stop sign.)
- loooooooves eyeliner. Like LOOOOOOOOVES it.
- seems all kinds of crazy (warranting comparisons to Tila Tequila)
- seems to have a gift for embellishment (warranting comparisons to the Hipster Grifter)
- has also been named in event photographs with the surname Morita (unnecessarily dragging Pat’s name into this mess)
- apparently has a boyfriend in Columbus that she can’t or won’t name
- organized this fourth drug run to Columbus for a “friend” who doled out $60k per trip (that’s the total budget for all other players involved, by the way, not her personal fee)
- apparently willing to break federal law for measly tens of thousands, not realizing that a nice managerial job at Starbucks would have also provided her with benefits
- currently sitting in jail awaiting a bond hearing that will take place tomorrow at 10am. It was postponed from today to allow Lee’s family time to travel to Columbus (this will NOT be pretty)
Sooooo much information! But I’ve still got one really, really important question: Where the fuzz is that 506 lbs. of ganj going?
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